Do I have the infamous "Spring Cold?" You know the one that everyone gets when the weather yo-yo's from sunny and 65 degrees to rain/snow and 32 degrees? Or is it seasonal allergies? Or the dreaded "flu-like symptoms" that seem to have plagued a couple of recently deceased celebrities? No...Not for me. I've hit the trifecta of awesome illnesses...

…an ear infection, a sinus infection and bronchitis. How awesome. I give it two thumbs up, only because I don't have three thumbs to give it. First of all, ear infections suck. They hurt in your whole head. Sometimes they throb and sometimes they stab without warning and can make you cry in strange places, like the post office. They hurt when you swallow, when you yawn, when you turn your head, when you wear your sunglasses and mostly when you blow your nose. This brings me to my next point...

Who the hell designed the connection between the inner ear and the damn sinuses?? Shouldn't they have been kept separate, like religion and politics?? It shouldn't be possible that an ear infection is causing fluid to build up behind the ear drum which in turn infects the Eustachian tube, which, you guessed it...attaches to the nasopharynx. Dammit. This is piss poor design, I tell you. There should be a proper exit point for this kind of stuff, like a trap door behind the ear that you can open when you need to let the bad stuff out.

I had a ton of ear infections as a child and they were as horrible then as they are now. I suffered hearing loss and had tubes put in my ears when I was five years old. I was the weird kid that had to wear ear plugs because I couldn't get water in my ears. Later in life, the tubes would naturally fall out of my ears (I remember one coming out on the end of a Q-tip) and I wouldn't have any more ear problems, unless flying or scuba diving. Anything that involved regulating the pressure of my ears would not be pleasant, but I haven't had an infection until...cue the dramatic music...DUH, DUH, DUH...this week. Yay!

An ear infection alone would be bad enough, but because of the aforementioned D+ design of the ear, nose and throat, I've got a sinus infection on top of it. I think everyone has had a sinus infection at one time in their lives...if you haven't, then you truly haven't lived. You should go to the sinus infection store and pick one up...doesn't even have to be a strong one...just get a mild one...and then you will know just how wonderful they are. If someone could please take a baseball bat to my frontal cranium to give me some relief, that would be sweet.

And because there is such a thing as "post nasal drip" I've developed a fine case of acute bronchitis. Basically, I'm coughing like a 64 year old homeless man. Don't ask me to take a deep breath or talk very long, as either of those actions cause an abnormally long coughing session, usually followed by me feeling like I'm going to faint.

They gave me stuff to take, obviously. I'm on a ten day course of antibiotics and I've got some killer cough medicine to take at night and I've also been introduced to Mucinex, which makes very gross stuff come flying out of your mouth at inappropriate times. I am not a spitter. I think it's a very disgusting habit and it really grosses me out to have to do it...but I think that's the whole point of taking Mucinex, right? It's to get the gross stuff out??

I mostly hate for people to see me like this. I am not a brave and noble sick person. Truth be told, I want my Mommy when I feel like this. And some tomato soup and a grilled cheese, lightly grilled to perfection and cut in half on the diagonal. Last night I actually ate Spaghetti-O's and bread and butter for dinner. I'm sure I haven't had that since my last childhood ear infection. What for dinner tonight? Who knows. I guess the good thing about this is my appetite is kinda nil right now, so I might lose a pound or two when this is over...and I think my abs are getting a great workout from all the coughing! I swear. That's true. My stomach muscles hurt from coughing so much, so I could end up with six pack abs when this is over. No? Hey, I can dream, right...

So, what are your comforts when you're sick? What things do you surround yourself with to get through it? Got a favorite blanket? Need some tea? Let's face it...most of us are big babies when we feel like crap...I'm not afraid to admit it. I might even try out some of your ideas this week.